This week in my classroom was a hard one. Some of my students were so excited for the break. The joy and laughter in their faces was an obvious sign that break was going to be good.
Some of my little peanuts are anxious. They never told me with words, but actions spoke loud. I’ve always known somewhere in my head that my classroom may be the safest, most peaceful place my students know, but it’s hitting my heart this year. New students have come and the stories they have shared have ripped my heart up. I know these weeks will be wrought with loneliness and heartbreak, and I want to fix it all.
I don’t know what it says about me that I think about my kids when I am away from them. Some of them, I know, are being looked after and loved on. Some of them I worry about. I don’t know what it says about my job or my students or my inabliltiy to comparmentalize, but I will wonder/worry about them over the break.
Maybe somewhere deep down inside I just want people to know they matter. They are not invisible, they are not “too much”, they are not a problem (even when behavior can be), they are not worthless. They are not broken.
We adopted “Blackbird” by the Beatles as our class song. We sing it twice a day (sometimes over the sounds of screaming and yelling and me getting impatient, but we sing it, dang it). I got a little choked up as they sang it this morning at our last morning meeting of 2019. Some of them will go home and for two weeks, they will not be reminded of the good in them. There won’t be a hug or a warm smile. No one will be there cheering them on. I prayed this morning as we sang that God would put those words in their hearts. I prayed that they would go home and remind themselves to “take these broken wings and learn to fly”.
It will be a while before I see them again, but I hope they know I am rooting for them each and every day and my heart is always thinking of them.
I’m rooting for you, too. Merry Christmas. Our Savior is here.
*author’s note: my students are all safe and taken care of. Some of their Christmas mornings will not be as joyous as they should be because of life circumstances, but they are safe.