Nothing much to blog

Well, there is not too much going on in our world, so here are a few things:

  • well, i finished my internship hours, met with my teacher, filled out my survey and I think i am finished! Yay! Only two more classes and then that diploma is mine.
  • our trip to Honduras that got cancelled for July, got cancelled again. It looks like me and Jd will be taking a vactiones solo later this year. which will be better cause sometimes I get annoyed with middle class people who freak out because it’s dirty there.
  • we are hoping to get a puppy soon.
  • my little brother is moving to Shanghai, China in a few weeks and won’t be back until Christmas Eve. I hope to go visit him.
  • The olympics are coming soon! That means that I will develop some sort of unnatural interest in gymnastics, track and field, swimming, or diving. Go Team USA!
  • I heard that Lars and the Real Girl is a great movie, so I will be renting it soon and review it here.
  • If you want to see a wonderful movie, please see “Autism: The Musical”. It is amazing.

I think that’s all the updates I have. See you later!

After four years of trying my hand at having a credit card, I have officially given up. Well, actually, Jd and I finally paid it off and I cancelled it today!!!! Yay, one less thing to mess with and one step closer to freedom!


Jd is out of town, so I am staying with my sister at my parent’s house. And, although I don’t miss my house, I miss the Fruit Loops and the pretzles because my mom buys weird food.

Cody and Abby tie the knot!

Congratulations, Cody and Abby!

Jd’s little brother, Cody, got married last weekend in Hereford, Tx (where?). It’s the beef capital of the universe or something. Enjoy!
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The church had a framed picture of Judas
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The bride and groom
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Our Feet
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Cody and Aunt Shea
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It’s my birthday!

Today is my fourth birthday. Yes, that is right, my fourth. Four years ago today, I boarded a plane with my mom that took us to Phoenix, AZ. A kind woman met us at the gate, took my bags, and placed us in a van marked “Remuda Ranch”. We drove two hours to the small town of Chandler, AZ. I stepped out of the van, walked in the door, and was greeted by the desk nurse. I was nervous, and so was my mom, but I think the tears were more about how I couldn’t believe I was in a treatment center, and she couldn’t believe she was leaving her child here. We prayed and I she left. I spent the rest of that afternoon having tests run, and that night I was admitted into Chandler Hospital. I was in the emergency room because my heart tests were coming back abnormal.  After that night and the tests were all back, I went back for my first night, my first of 45 nights, at Remuda Ranch.


I guess I felt more than just fear about being there. I felt relieved. I was finally safe, in a place where the toilets were flushed for me, and I had to eat what was put in front of me, and I was free from all decisions concerning food. I learned a lot about myself while I was there. I learned how to ride a horse, I learned how to paint and sculpt my feelings. I learned how to be silly and free. I learned what it feels like to have fifteen cactus needles in your hands. I learned how to eat, and be okay eating. I learned how to let go and just gain some weight.


One of the biggest moments for me and in my recovery happened my fourth week in treatment. My family had come out to see me, and it was time for my “Truth in Love”. My family had come and seen me, they had spent a day learning about how eating disorders work, why someone develops them, how family relations work in regards to eating disorders, ect. What they didn’t know was that I had spent four weeks in private counseling, practicing how to let them into my heart a little, and let them know why I chose an eating disorder. I chose it because I felt invisible, because I was angry, and because I was scared. I had many times in my childhood where I was afraid, and some of those came from my dad. I needed to share my feelings with my dad, how I was scared he would get mad at me about my eating disorder, and i needed him to apologize for scaring my so much while growing up. I remember walking in the room, scared out of my mind, unsure of what he would do. I prayed and literally thought of how I was about to jump off a cliff, not sure what would happen. I decided to trust God and jump, knowing that He would catch me. What came from that time is a sweet moment in my recovery. I made amends to my family, I shared my hurts with them, and when I shared with my dad, he apologized and God used that to heal a large part of my heart.


So, four years down the line, I could not have imagined the things God has done in my life, the ways God has molded me and broken me, what He has taken from me and given to me. The weeks I spent in treatment were some of the sweetest times in the past few years, though it was trying, hard, and at times awful. It is amazing how in the middle of the hot Arizona desert, God blessed me with sweet healing.


 

Jd and I traveled 6 hours to Hereford, TX this weekend to see his little brother get married. To be completely honest, I was dreading it. God did some wonderful things there, however. It’s funny how when you just hear one side of a story it can make someone seem crazy, and how once you hear both sides, it makes more sense. I am about to get real here, so beware. The entire time Jd and I were engaged, and in the past year, I had been feeling judged by his little brother and his little bro’s lady. I did some things while we were engaged that deserved judgement, however, I tried super hard not to be a bridezilla, and thought I had somewhat succeeded. I was always quiet around Jd’s family because I was terrified and felt very out of place. There was a tension I felt that I couldn’t shake. When Cody got engaged, I started hearing some major drama that was going down, and I started judging the bride and groom. Well, this weekend, the Lord was just telling me to ask and see what really happened with some of that drama, so I did. What I found out was that the truth of what happened was not necessarily what I had been hearing, and that the bride and groom understood what the other side of the street looked like. I was able to make amends to them both and I felt that ever present tension cease. I was able to enjoy them, and I am looking forward to building a relationship with them. It’s fun how obeying God can really make things okay. Oh, and I am keeping this vague because it is on the internet and well, lots of people know how to read.

And, just in case you were wondering, Hereford is the Beef Capital of the World (or maybe just Texas). There are cows everywhere, real ones, stuffed ones, cow statues, cow farts lingering in the air, and even the famous “Moovie” Theater.

Oh, and for all that are wondering, the cats fought all day for about a day and a half, but now they are best buddies.

Oh, and I really missed my buddy Ethan from church today.

and JD blacked out today for about five seconds and pissed me off. I was really feeling scared, but it came out as pissed. He is fine. And I will punch him if that sort of thing happens again.