It is weird how the timing of the Lord works. Last weekend, I watch a movie on Homosexuality, last Tuesday I had a discussion with my brother about the issue of homosexuality being a sin, and last Thursday I was told that a woman i looked up to has decided to become a lesbian, not believing that homosexuality is a sin.
As some people know, I went through a retreat a few years ago that brought lots of healing to me, and encouraged huge changes in my life. The Lord used it in mighty ways. My brother, my husband, and many good friends also went through this journey. The Lord used this ministry to heal many wounds and encourage many people. I found out last week that the woman who runs the ministry has decided to pursue a relationship with a woman, and that she no longer believes homosexuality to be a sin. She asked the board of the ministry to vote either to fire her or keep her, saying that if she was kept that the ministry would take no stand on homosexuality. It was voted that she would stay, by a vote of 5 to 4. The 4 people on the board who voted against her immediately resigned. Other leaders have stepped down, as they believe what the woman is doing is wrong.
This has caused great anger and sadness in me. Sadness because I know the healing potential the Lord has given this woman, and I know the things the Lord has done through her, and she is choosing to live in sin. Anger because I believe that homosexuality is real and is a sin struggle that needs to be fought against, and I don’t understand how someone can just stop fighting. I pray that the Lord gives me the strength to never stop fighting against my struggles, and that my pride never hinders His truth from penetrating my soul.
I never thought growing up would be this hard. I guess I thought that some people were not capable of being so prideful, so sinful, like they had it all figured out. I tend to just pretend things aren’t going on, and I often don’t ask questions because I don’t want to know the answer. So when this happens, when someone confesses a sin to me, or someone is outed, it seems to shock me. It’s hard to love someone and not support them.
I wrote my group, told them how I felt, and received feedback about “not judging people”. It’s hard to call something a sin and not be said to be judging. It would be so much easier to deny God’s truth. It would be easier to smile, say it’s okay, and go on. But God never said His truth was easy, He never said that His followers would have it easy. So, today I struggle with fear of man, but I know that the fear of the Lord is much greater and much better.