It is weird how the timing of the Lord works. Last weekend, I watch a movie on Homosexuality, last Tuesday I had a discussion with my brother about the issue of homosexuality being a sin, and last Thursday I was told that a woman i looked up to has decided to become a lesbian, not believing that homosexuality is a sin.

As some people know, I went through a retreat a few years ago that brought lots of healing to me, and encouraged huge changes in my life. The Lord used it in mighty ways. My brother, my husband, and many good friends also went through this journey. The Lord used this ministry to heal many wounds and encourage many people. I found out last week that the woman who runs the ministry has decided to pursue a relationship with a woman, and that she no longer believes homosexuality to be a sin. She asked the board of the ministry to vote either to fire her or keep her, saying that if she was kept that the ministry would take no stand on homosexuality.  It was voted that she would stay, by a vote of 5 to 4. The 4 people on the board who voted against her immediately resigned. Other leaders have stepped down, as they believe what the woman is doing is wrong.

This has caused great anger and sadness in me. Sadness because I know the healing potential the Lord has given this woman, and I know the things the Lord has done through her, and she is choosing to live in sin. Anger because I believe that homosexuality is real and is a sin struggle that needs to be fought against, and I don’t understand how someone can just stop fighting. I pray that the Lord gives me the strength to never stop fighting against my struggles, and that my pride never hinders His truth from penetrating my soul.

I never thought growing up would be this hard. I guess I thought that some people were not capable of being so prideful, so sinful, like they had it all figured out. I tend to just pretend things aren’t going on, and I often don’t ask questions because I don’t want to know the answer. So when this happens, when someone confesses a sin to me, or someone is outed, it seems to shock me. It’s hard to love someone and not support them.

I wrote my group, told them how I felt, and received feedback about “not judging people”. It’s hard to call something a sin and not be said to be judging. It would be so much easier to deny God’s truth. It would be easier to smile, say it’s okay, and go on. But God never said His truth was easy, He never said that His followers would have it easy. So, today I struggle with fear of man, but I know that the fear of the Lord is much greater and much better.


2 thoughts on “

  1. My sweet friend,I understand that struggle of the fine balance of speaking truth and not coming across judgmental.  Please seek out Lea and ask her about this.  She is excellent at speaking truth to others.  Continue to speak truth and remember to always check your heart motives.  I love you and miss you.Elizabeth

  2. Your last two posts have been very interesting to me for reasons you’ll see in just a moment. And I spent a lot of time thinking about how I wanted to respond, or if I should even respond at all. You have begun a very powerful dialogue and I appreciate your obvious love of Scripture, of God and His role in this topic. This issue hits close to home for me because seven years ago my sister, my little sister, my best friend in the WHOLE world, told me that she was gay. Well, I kind of figured it out and she confirmed it. Believe me when I say that it rocked my world. Before that moment, I saw things in black and white, similarly to what you have written about in your posts. Since then God has taken us through a journey that I never anticipated. In seven years, I have vaccilated between anger, sadness, denial, acceptance, love and profound compassion. That last one has been the biggest blessing. God has used this experience to increase my heart and mind’s ability to show compassion to others around me. I know He can do the same for you as you walk through this…My sister has very honestly struggled with her deep love of Christ, the knowledge that homosexuality is a sin and yet that it is deeply rooted in her and part of who she is. She has wrestled with the question of how God could create her perfectly and yet make this a part of her. I have struggled alongside of her in that very same question. This is where things don’t seem so black and white anymore. When you stand beside someone you love deeply, someone you would lay your life down for, you can’t just quote Scripture, judge them and condemn them. This is where Christ has planted compassion in my heart. Allie knows that I believe that homosexuality is a sin. She also knows that I love her for ALL that she is.I tend to bristle when people compare homosexuality to alcoholism or other physical struggle. There is a HUGE difference between them. You see, when someone comes out of alcoholism or an eating disorder (like you have, glory to God!), it is a benefit to them, to their body. There is no loss, only gain. But when a homosexual chooses not to live that lifestyle, it robs them of RELATIONSHIP. And that is what we were created for. God created us to be in relationship. With Him and with others. THIS has been the stickiest point for me, the greyest point. It is the question I will ask God as soon as I get to heaven. I don’t have an answer but I am grateful for the journey, for the dialogue of it all…I love my sister with all my heart. I love her for ALL that she is. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: because of her, because of this journey, God has equipped me to show compassion to people I would have NEVER shown compassion to before. Because of her, because of what God has done, I have been equipped to love people more fully than I ever though possible. And I think that’s what part of becoming like Christ looks like.Thanks for sharing your story. Thanks for listening to mine.

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