On Sadness and Suffering

To say the last six weeks of my life has been a nightmare would be an understatement of the greatest proportion. My heart has been broken over accusations from formerly-respected people, and it was crushed on Thursday. To say that the last six months of my life has been a struggle would be an understatement. If I was to share the things that have gone on, I don’t know that people could conceive of them. At times I feel my entire world is crumbling around me.

I am in a season of suffering, and my sadness is overwhelming at times.

And, yet, I have hope. Because I don’t cling to a church, or a family, or a future the way I want it to be. I don’t find my hope in how other’s treat me, how other’s act, or what other’s do to me. I hope because I cling to God.

The past week has taught me in a new way how to cling to God. How to cling to hope. How to pray, face down on the floor, even when the words aren’t there. How to pray for those who have hurt me, pray for restoration, pray for answers. I have recieved some answers, there are some things I know:
1. I know that if your mom can’t be there to hug you, your big sister can.
2. I know that people will fight for me and with me to make things right.
3. I know that good friends call everyday to check on me.
4. I know that people are praying for me and for JD.
5. I know God is answering their prayers by raining His peace over me.
6. I know that despite where we are, God will pursue us.
7. I know that there is forgiveness where there is repentance.
8. I know that eventually things will be okay, even if that is when I arrive in heaven.
9. I know that God has not left me, nor will He leave me. ever.
10. I know that God holds my heart, my life, my future in His loving hands.

He is not surprised by my suffering. He is in it, and He will use it to make me more like Him. He is for me in my suffering, He is for me in my joy. God is for me. Always.

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