Rangers Game!

On Thursday, I took a half-day from work, and picked up Max early from school and took him to the Rangers game. My good friends Josh and Mallery purchased the tickets but were unable to use them, so they gave them to me. I knew it would be a great game since we were playing the Oakland A’s, and I was right. It was awesome! 

Here’s Max, enjoying “Playing Hooky”. 

                          It was a long walk to the ballpark.

It was pretty hot until the sun went behind the stands, after that, I was glad for a nice breeze. We stayed in our seats until the seventh inning, then decided to walk around.

  We went down to the dugout after the game, and a really nice guy that works for the Rangers gave us a game ball! It was awesome! I was so excited, and even though we didn’t get to meet David Murphy (Max’s favorite player), we had a great adventure!                                                              And, or course, we enjoyed a Ballpark Hotdog!

Joy/Fun/Karaoke

In the midst of the heartache of the last year, I have had some very sweet moments of joy that have been a soothing balm to my heart. This past weekend and today were some of those times. On Friday, I went with a group of friends to sing Karaoke. I laughed, and sang, and laughed some more, and enjoyed spending time with friends who have known my struggles intimately this past year, friends who haven’t, and one friend who doesn’t really even speak English. Saturday, I had a good run, then met with some ladies I really am growing to love as we work in the Special Needs ministry at church together. We were meeting to discuss a training we will be participating in and discussing our love of children with special needs. I was encouraged because I really long to teach others how to interact with, teach, and love children on the spectrum. On Saturday night, I picked up a friend at the airport and was able to spend time alone with her on the drive back to her house, and, although it was short, I enjoyed getting to know her even more. Sunday was a day of spending time with my buddy at church, where he sat through the entire lesson in Kid’s Village (!!!!), and then babysitting another kid I love. All in all, a good day.Today, I laughed so hard at something one of my students said that I snorted. Laughter is such a gift from God, and I am so glad that in the midst of some sad times, things are sunnier now than they have been in a long time. 

 

 For the Lord comforts Zion;
    he comforts all her waste places
and makes her wilderness like Eden,
    her desert like the garden of the Lord;
joy and gladness will be found in her,
    thanksgiving and the voice of song.

Isaiah 51:3

That time I survived my worst nightmare…

If you would have asked me on March 16, 2007, what my worst fear was, I would have told you I feared, more than anything, my husband deciding to leave me. And I would say this very nonchalantly because things like that don’t happen to people who love Jesus and my husband would never do that, plus it was my wedding day, so “yay, cake!”. At the time, this seemed a tragedy that, if it were to ever happen, may just be the one trauma in my life that completely and totally drove me off the deep end. Because, the way I see it, when you say vows, you mean them, so leaving is just not an option. And, I couldn’t imagine that my psyche could deal with the deep level of rejection that would come with my husband leaving me. Being left alone, that was my worst nightmare. 

And then, last September, it happened. My husband left me, and an entire year, and multiple interventions later, I still am unsure why. I have my guesses, I have my suspicions, and I have some facts, but I do not have a clearly defined reason why he decided to leave and file for divorce.

This past year has been terrible. This past year has been beautiful. This past year has been one of surviving, one of growing pains, one of discovery, and one of heartache. As I went to court on Friday to finalize our divorce, I couldn’t help but think of how gracious God has been to me this year. His providence has been evident in many areas of my life, and if my own husband had not abandoned me, I would not have learned to lean so fiercely into the One who will never leave me. 

The damage caused my this rejection has not been fully discovered, and it may be a lifetime before I fully heal from these wounds. But God is my healer, and He is the one who will never reject me. Over the past year, the lies of “You are not worth it”, “No one wants you”, “You are not worth fighting for”, “You will be alone forever”, “You are not enough” have plagued me like a thick cloud of fog I cannot feel my way out of. But God is shining His light and warmth and the fog is slowly being lifted. Because He will fight for me, He wants me, He is always with me, He thinks I am worth it, and I am enough because of Him. 

My husband abandoned me. My marriage failed. I relapsed in my eating disorder. And it all sucked.

But because of God’s steadfast love for me, I survived my worst nightmare.