So, 2012 was tough. 2012 was adventurous. 2012 was challenging. 2012 was heart wrenching. 2012 was scary. 2012 held lots of redemption. 2012 brought new friends. 2012 brought a new job. 2012 brought an end to my marriage and the beginning of a new life. One I didn’t ask for, but am now glad is here.
And now, 2012 is over.
And I was thinking today about what I feel like will happen in 2013. And more than ever before, I feel like there is hope for the return of joy and laughter. I have had many moments this past year where I felt like I would never be okay again. Not in a “life is over” kind of way, but just a feeling of overwhelming loneliness and wondering if this is it. Will I ever get married or have kids? Will I ever fit in with my friends or will I always feel like a charity case? Will I ever have fun again or feel carefree?
And, I feel like the answer is yes. Yes, I will have fun and enjoy life. In the past month, I have had three separate get-togethers with my friends, and each one brought a new discovery and a hope of the return of “me”. The most memorable moment was at a friend and her husband’s graduation/birthday party. We played a game, and I laughed. My real laugh. The one that comes from my gut and is loud. And I was taken aback because I hadn’t heard that laugh in a long time. Last night, I sat with my friends and played games. Last night, I met new people and enjoyed spending time with the ones I already knew. Last night, I danced and talked and laughed and played. Last night, I had fun.
Last night, I remembered who God made me to be. I was silly and honest and vulnerable and safe. I was myself, not the shell of a person who has been surviving the trauma of recent years. So, I have a feeling 2013 is going to be good. Not because I will be happy, but because God is good and no matter what happens this year, He knows what going to happen, and He is healing me. He is the Healer and Binder of Wounds. I just didn’t quite get what He was doing when He broke me, and I still don’t get the binding up process, but it has brought unexpected joy. And I am confident that His joy will be my joy and it will grow in 2013.
So, here are my resolutions for 2013.
1. Get a library card. I don’t have one for Denton and I need one.
2. Run a marathon (most likely the Big D in April)
3. Go on a date. (Anybody have Ryan Gosling’s number?)
4. Eat a hamburger.
5. Do something different with my hair.
6. Cuss less.
7. Memorize at least ten Bible verses.
8. Go to Karaoke more. And by more, I mean at least five times.
I am excited for the years to come, and am confident, more than ever before, the God has not forgotten me in this mess. He hasn’t left me here, He has pulled me out. He is working. Happy New Year!