I met Collin on August 20th. I knew he was interested in me August 21st.
I knew I had to make a choice on August 21st.
I had to choose to be brave.
You would think being brave would be an easy thing for me. After all, my name means “Brave”.
Risking your heart is scary. It’s a struggle to daily trust that someone can see my heart and care for it. To me, being brave means showing up, mess and fears and struggles and all. Being brave means seeing something you are utterly terrified to desire, seeing the risks, the potential failures, and decided to run after it in spite of fears, because it’ s worth it.
Being brave is a hard fight for me. Every day, I hear the same familiar lies. The same voice that whispers “He is going to leave. He will figure out what a mess you are, and he will decide you are not worth his time. He will not love you once he sees who you really are. He will break your heart. He will crush you just like the other one did. It’s too scary and you cannot do it”.
And he might. Those things might happen. But the beautiful thing is that they may not happen. And I would hate to miss out on Collin and how wonderful he is, because I choose not to be brave.
I’m scared. It’s true. But I know that ultimately God holds me, and if I choose to risk my heart and be brave so I can be a part of Collin’s life, God will be there. Even if it all falls apart, I know that choosing to trust God and be brave, choosing to fight those lies and take captive every thought so I can experience the joy and beauty of a relationship, is worth it.
Choosing to be brave is so worth it. Even if our worst nightmare comes true and it all falls apart, there is a beautiful lesson in that. Choosing to be brave is such a struggle.
Choosing to be brave is beautiful. It is so worth it. Because when being brave proves a worthwhile effort, it’s sweet to know that God was there. It is a splendid thing to rest in the promise from the Lord that He does restore the things the locusts have stolen. And being brave enough to fight to see that happen is so worth it.
I choose bravery. I will continue to battle lies, choose truth, and be courageous and confident in the Lord.
It is so worth it. No matter the outcome, choosing to be unabashed in my pursuit of life and truth and the things of Christ is worthwhile.
And I praise God that Collin has furthered my heart to trust Christ. That knowing Collin forces me to choose to be brave and trust that God is good and I can show up and love and be loved. Because Collin is worth that fight. Being known, loved, and cared for is worth it. It is.