I’m tired. I’m scared. I’m anxious.
I don’t want to share details, I don’t want to think about it. It scares me. I hate everything I know right now.
It feels so shattered, so scary, so threatening.
I need to know that He’s still holding the whole world in his hands. I need to know that He’s already won the battle. I need to know these things. I need to know that He sees all, He is in all, He is good. I need to know that this, too, will be beautiful one day.
I listened to a song this morning that was hard, because it asked questions that I had deep in my soul, that I need to know the answer to.
“Will there be a victory? Will You sing it over me? Your peace is the melody, will you sing it over me, now?”
God, will you use this? How are you going to redeem this? Can I trust you to come through again? What the hell are you doing? Why?
But as I type this, and sit here, crying and fearing, He is speaking to me. He is saying “Love, I have redeemed before. I will do it again. I have always used the sickness and fear and disease this family has encountered to change hearts and bring joy. Remember? Remember anorexia? Remember divorce? Remember depression? Remember how I healed? Don’t let go. I have won. There is victory. I conquered all on the cross. Yeah, the enemy still fights, but he WILL NOT WIN.”
God, sing Your peace and victory over Taiwan. Please, Lord. Please. Redeem, once again. Let us look back on this and remember in tears of joy, how you redeemed and healed and rescued. Because I know You will. I know it.