A few months ago I submitted a blog to Redtentliving.com, which is a site that encourages women to rethink what it is to be a woman who loves the Lord, and a place where women can go and connect and be women. And be unashamed of their femininity. And be free of judgement. And know that they matter, they are noticed, they are beautiful, they are loved.
I was asked this week to become a regular contributor to this site. I am excited. Not because I hope to gain fame and fortune from writing, (because, yeah right) but because I love to share and journal and write and tell my story.
I have been asked over the years why I share what I share on my blog. Why do I write about anorexia, shame, divorce, anger, heartbreak, wanting to punch people who walk slow, ect. in such a honest and sometimes blunt manner. Why don’t I keep it private? Is it for attention? Is it to tattle on people? Is it because it’s cool? Is it because you want to write a book? (No, Maybe, No, and Perhaps one day are the answers to those questions, and I’m kidding about the tattling part, many of the goriest details have been left off the interweb).
Why? Because God started this story in my soul many, many years ago. Way before I was a thought in my mother’s head or a bump in her womb, before she was a thought in her mother’s head, a long time ago. God knew that He would do something miraculous in my life, He knew that I would be gifted with words and honesty and wit. He knew that the path He would set before me would be one that was difficult, heart wrenching, and narrow. He knew that in that narrow place, I would find Him, as a four year old little girl, and He would save me and make me His own, and He would grow me and mold me. He would give me words to say and His still soft voice to hear. He gave me the gift of Himself, and I am going to share what He has done. God knew that I would walk through trauma, I would spend nights in a treatment center, I would cry over relationships ending, I would worship His goodness in the little things. He knew I would seek Him in foreign places. He knew my heart would be drained and wrought out and changed and molded. And He instilled in me a desire to share those things.
He knew that someone out there wants to know that they can survive their husband’s betrayal. He knew someone needs to be reminded of restoration and redemption. He knew that someone, somewhere needed to be encouraged to be honest about struggles. God knew that a man or woman who is struggling with anorexia needs to read and know that the struggle is long, but the war can be won. God knew that others would be encouraged by my words, and fortunately, we live in an era where I have a platform for that. God knew others needed to be encouraged to write and tell an share and open their hearts.
But even more than encouraging others, writing what He has done and what He is doing in my life and heart encourages me. It reminds me to step outside the daily grind and remember the things He has done. Sometimes the person who needs to be encouraged by my writing the most is me. Sometimes, I am the one who needs to be reminded that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, that shame has no place in my life, that the past does not predict the future. I need to be reminded that my story is not one of shame or sin or struggle, but one of beauty, growth, and joy. And writing this blog reminds me of that.
I am redeemed, and let the redeemed of the Lord say so and praise His mighty works. That’s why I write.