I will never forget the days leading up to the discovery that I was pregnant. I remember suddenly being able to smell everything that happened in my classroom, from the flatulence to the body odor to the lack of teeth brushing skills (and I teach a class full of middle school boys, so, um, odor can be an issue). I thought everyone was just really lacking in the hygiene area, that I needed to up the time we spent working on those skills, but I was wrong. My nose was becoming quite sensitive. And then the cramps started, but no cycle, just cramps, changing potty habits, pain in my gut, and I was convinced I was sick. I thought I had cancer or that my thyroid problem had returned.
Collin said “You should take a test, just to see”. I put it off for a few days, hoping it was just a thyroid thing, not a child. I made a doctor’s appointment, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I bought a test on my way to an afternoon training and took it at a gas station. The line appeared about twenty seconds into the waiting time. I took a photo, sent it to my friend Mallery, and asked “Are these things ever wrong?”, she texted back “Not in that direction”.
Oh my gosh. I’m pregnant. On one hand, I’m glad it’s not cancer, but on the other hand, we’ve been married for four months. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, GOD????? This was not the plan. Not at all. When I told Collin, there were lots of tears, and not all of them were from joy. I think the shock and surprise of it took over, and I was really scared. There are student loans to pay off and cars to pay down, plus we wanted to save for this, and plan for it, and this was not the plan! NOT THE PLAN!!!!!!!!
I went to the doctor to confirm it the following Monday, I was six weeks pregnant. It was surreal. He tested my thyroid, and the nurse did another test, which she gave me in a plastic bag with the date and a smiley face written on it, saying “Some people put these in a scrapbooks…”
I am currently 12 weeks along, due July 6th, and sick as a freaking dog. Holy cow. There have been so many naps and so many days where the only things I could stomach were saltines and soup. There have been days where I still run and can eat relatively normally, only to completely zonk out the next day and sleep until 4 in the afternoon. There seems no rhyme or reason to it, and if one more person gives me advice on what to try, I may scream. I, literally, have tried it all, with the exception of prescription meds and pot. ( I won’t be smoking pot, ever, so please do not freak out and email me. Some people say it helps, though).
I have spent lots of time in prayer begging for deliverance from sickness and a healthy baby. It’s forcing me to stop and ask for help. I cannot do my job the same as I did, which requires me to relinquish control. I cannot run and work out like I did. It is frustrating. I have no control over what is happening in my body and it is hard for me. I am snappy, I cry, and I cannot handle certain smells, and am completely exhausted.
But, despite how much this all goes against what I thought was “the plan”, I know that God is doing something. I mean, obviously, He is growing a child in me, but He is also working on my heart. I am forced to eat well, rest, and take care of myself, because someone else’s life depends on it.