I learned how to snow ski when I was three years old, yet one of my first memories is from first grade. I was taking private lessons all week with a ski instructor who held my hand getting on and off the lift and anytime I was scared. I felt secure, peaceful, and safe skiing with him. I knew that someone was there should I fall or skid on ice or get eaten by a snow monster. We skied together from Monday until Thursday, but when I got there on Friday, he wasn’t there. Apparently, even ski instructors take days off and I had a new instructor, and she WOULD NOT HOLD MY HAND. So I cried, and I was petrified. I felt abandoned, alone, and like at any moment I would fall off the mountain. (I have an irrational fear of hills because I am afraid I will just fall off of them. For instance, I am terrified of the city of San Francisco because of the hills that I may fall off of.) I did not trust her, but more than that, I did not trust myself or my ability to ski. I needed someone to hold me because I could not do it myself. I still feel that way, often in fact, and find that I cannot do it by myself, I need someone to hold my hand. Someone I can trust to hold me up.
Many months ago, when this “season” of my life began, my counselor urged me to get the book “Jesus Calling” because I needed to, and still need to, just learn and rest in who Jesus is, not strive to learn and earn my “Bible Gold Stars”. She just wanted me to re-learn what I know about Jesus, and keep reading it until I believed it. Because I am ridiculous and was in a bit of shock for many months there, I did not purchase the book until about a month ago. I have been reading a few pages a night, reading some pages for many nights, and just trying to remember who Jesus is.
On March 24th, the entry began like this “This is a time in your life where you must learn to let go: of loved ones, possessions, of control.” Oh crap, I thought, now I have to strive to try to give up control (?!?!?!), this is terrible. Things are already ridiculous and now I am having to actively try to give up control and possessions? Blah!!!!
However, the entry goes on to discuss that releasing control is not as difficult as it sounds when you fully understand and trust the character of who you give control to. Jesus is trustworthy. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
The last few sentences reads that “The One who never leaves you is the One who never changes…as you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand.”
He always holds my hand. He will always catch me when I fall, if I slip, when I cannot hold myself up. He is trustworthy and good and safe. He will hold my hand when everyone else has let go, and hold it when everyone else is holding it. He will forever be with me and for me and that is exactly what I needed to read.