If You want me to…

I have always loved this song by Ginny Owens and, lately, when I hear it played somewhere, it rings so true to what I want my heart to say.

Because the truth is that I hate what is going on in my world. I hate what is happening, I hate that I am struggling with my eating disorder, I hate that my marriage is failing, I hate that I am not where I think I should be. I find myself angry with the Lord and questioning His will and His goodness. Why is this happening?

A few weeks ago, I was at church and the sermon series was on Holiness, and a question was put forth and the Lord gave me a clear answer. The question was “How does God make His people holy?”, and the Lord spoke into my heart and said “This is what I am doing, loved one. I am not trying to hurt or destroy you, I want you to be wholy mine and to be set apart. This is not from anger, but because I love you”. The past few weeks, I have been really struggling to hold on to this truth. I have been really struggling with everything, but especially with anger and just wanting to figure out what exactly God is doing. But the truth is that I may never know what He is up to, and I cannot see His whole picture, and until I can, I pray that my heart with trust that He is good and gracious and loving. And I don’t know why He brought me to where I am, but because He loves me, I will walk this path. He is not done with me yet, He is not done working, and this is not all there is. And my prayer is that my heart will want to trust Him and that my heart will believe His kindness towards me.

 

 

 

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to.

If you want me to-Ginny Owens

It’s been a while.

Well, it has been a while since I updated this here blog. There has been a lot going on in my world, some of it to be shared at a later date.

• I took my GRE a few weeks ago, and did as well as I could considering some personal things going on. I will send my application in to a few schools in the next few weeks and see what happens from there.
• I signed up to run the Dallas Marathon in December (formerly the White Rock), so I have been running more on the weekends, which is way boring on the treadmill but it is too dang hot outside to run that far. Hopefully cooler days will come soon.
• I am contemplating a tattoo. Not sure if I will actually do it, but perhaps, I will one day, and I will most definetly put a picture up.
• Today is Arturo’s Birthday. He is the pastor of our church in Danli, and the head of the family I lived with in Honduras. I am so sad to not be there to celebrate with him, but I will see him soon, hopefully.
• My sweet, noisy, super cute nephew Graham turns on in a week. I cannot believe that he is already one, and am excited to see what the next year brings for him.
• Graham’s one year birthday is also an anniversary for me of a year of the Lord wrecking my life. I am glad the year is almost over and excited to see what God has for me next. And by excited, I mean terrified.

I think that’s it. So, everyone have a nice day.

Happy Birthday, Arturo!