It’s hard for me to remember sometimes that Jesus said we would not be popular, that His truths are not popular, that standing up for the right thing might just might kick your ass. It’s been hard for me to be seen as not having compassion and grace. I guess I just think that there is a large difference between having grace for someone and condoning their actions. I guess my struggle is just wanting people to like me, and that can’t always happen.

In other, more exciting  news, I start my last semester of school tomorrow. That’s right, after six years, and lots of tears, I will finally graduate on December 14, 2008. It is almost scary to say that, because I am afraid I will mess it up, and then just have to wait more. According to my advisor, I am ready to graduate, if I pass everything this semester. In fact, I have already applied for graduation.


It is weird how the timing of the Lord works. Last weekend, I watch a movie on Homosexuality, last Tuesday I had a discussion with my brother about the issue of homosexuality being a sin, and last Thursday I was told that a woman i looked up to has decided to become a lesbian, not believing that homosexuality is a sin.

As some people know, I went through a retreat a few years ago that brought lots of healing to me, and encouraged huge changes in my life. The Lord used it in mighty ways. My brother, my husband, and many good friends also went through this journey. The Lord used this ministry to heal many wounds and encourage many people. I found out last week that the woman who runs the ministry has decided to pursue a relationship with a woman, and that she no longer believes homosexuality to be a sin. She asked the board of the ministry to vote either to fire her or keep her, saying that if she was kept that the ministry would take no stand on homosexuality.  It was voted that she would stay, by a vote of 5 to 4. The 4 people on the board who voted against her immediately resigned. Other leaders have stepped down, as they believe what the woman is doing is wrong.

This has caused great anger and sadness in me. Sadness because I know the healing potential the Lord has given this woman, and I know the things the Lord has done through her, and she is choosing to live in sin. Anger because I believe that homosexuality is real and is a sin struggle that needs to be fought against, and I don’t understand how someone can just stop fighting. I pray that the Lord gives me the strength to never stop fighting against my struggles, and that my pride never hinders His truth from penetrating my soul.

I never thought growing up would be this hard. I guess I thought that some people were not capable of being so prideful, so sinful, like they had it all figured out. I tend to just pretend things aren’t going on, and I often don’t ask questions because I don’t want to know the answer. So when this happens, when someone confesses a sin to me, or someone is outed, it seems to shock me. It’s hard to love someone and not support them.

I wrote my group, told them how I felt, and received feedback about “not judging people”. It’s hard to call something a sin and not be said to be judging. It would be so much easier to deny God’s truth. It would be easier to smile, say it’s okay, and go on. But God never said His truth was easy, He never said that His followers would have it easy. So, today I struggle with fear of man, but I know that the fear of the Lord is much greater and much better.

Sad Movie

As many people know, I love to watch Documentaries. Jd and I have netflix, so every so often, a new portion of knowledge finds its way into our home. I watched a move last week called “For the Bible tells me so”. It was about how “conservative” Christians have used the bible to exploit homosexuals by calling homosexuality a sin. It was so sad. I believe that Homosexuality is a sin, and that the Bible says it. It was a very slanted view of the church. It really bothered me.

There are churches across the country and world, telling homosexuals that it is how they were made, it is what the Lord wants them to be, it is okay to practice homosexuality. That is false doctrine, and in 1 Timothy 1, Paul tells Timothy to stay in Ephesus to charge the people there who are teaching false doctrine, he includes the people who need the law, those who are lawless, such as the sexually immoral and the men who practice homosexuality. To Read it Click HERE. Also in 1 Corithians 6, Paul says that the immoral will not inherit the earth, telling the church that they were once like them, but have been washed, meaning sanctified by the holy spirit. If people who are Homosexual are reffered to as the ones who are unwashed, wouldn’t that mean that sanctified children of God cannot live a homosexual lfestyle and be righteous? He says it HERE.

It bothered me because they were protesting Focus on the Family, saying that because James Dobson does not accept homosexuality, he “assaults” their families daily. James Dobson advises parents that if their child tells them they are gay, the parents are not to accept it. That sounds like sound advice to me. What if I told my mom that I didn’t eat and when I did I threw it up? People would think she was a horrible parent if she said to me “Oh great, well, I hope everyone loves that and you and our finger have a good time in the bathroom”. Are you kidding me? But my mom didn’t say that. She did everything she could to help me walk out of that sin life. She gave me every tool she could and so did everyone else. That is what the church needs to do with it’s people who say they desire to be homosexual. We love them, we are saddened, but we do everything we can to help them walk out of that sin life. Accepting the people, accepting their hurt,  but not accepting their sin lifestyle.

I was crying in the movie, stopped it, and prayed for those families who were so lost. They were bitter and angry at the church for hating people who are homosexual, and thought the Bible exploited them. I am crushed that they think that the Lord and His word calling them out for their sin, and telling them to repent is exploitation. The Sanctifying the Lord does in the hearts of those who love Him is His wonderful Mercy on us. He does not want us to be trapped in whatever lie we believe, whatever relationship we are in, no matter how much that lie tells us that it is the best place for us, how we were made. He desires for us to be more like Him.

It also bothered me that the movie cited scientific reserach showing that people are “born” gay, that genetics play a part, ect. I just was amazed. Science has also shown that anorexia is heredity in some cases, but that does not make it normal, healthy, or okay. Alcoholism is also in the genes, but ask an recovering alcoholic is being an alcoholic was super fun, they will tell you it was no fun, it is not good, it is not how we were made. There is another hereditary part of anorexia, alcoholism, sex addiction, and homosexuality. It’s called Sin, and it is the ultimate hereditary trait.

But more than Biblical Words, I know men who were once in a homosexual lifestyle, who are now freed from that bondage, free from those lies, who do not believe they were “made” that way, and would never go back. So, I have seen proof of recovery, seen freedom from homosexuality, and I know that God longs for all men to be free.

I pray the men and women in this documentray find the truth, find recovery, and find the Lord’s Merciful santification. I also pray that any man or woman struggling would be guarded from this source of lies. Please do not watch this movie if you are unsure of the truth that Homosexuality is a sin.